So I think I understand the concept of a "Soul". With every 3 or breathes in I let out a sigh and drift back to the past missing the time i was someones lover. I don't miss her, rather...I miss me. The me that was willing to put it all out there to show how much they mean to me, to walk hand in hand and be proud that you have found happiness.

It's interesting to think about all those good times with a smile while simultaneously hating, loathing and detesting(the final is likely the best description) That very girl that brought so much change and experience into my life. Anyway, as to this "soul" I've been thinking of, After my very first love interest made me sick with shock and sorrow and my second ended up sliding me into what had to have been a depression, Albeit at a young age they terrified me and this third got me into a horrible state.

It seems correct to cease searching...but I feel I need someone to cherish and be their all. This perhaps is the soul - the urge/need to love no matter what. As cliche as all of this is...I feel empty, in every sense of the word wholly and completely.

I can, however say I am much happier with myself as a person from all of this. During my time with banshee three I was pushed into a mad state, I would end up scratching furiously at my arms when upset, Pacing back and forward, mumbling to myself and quite frankly acting so unlike me i was scared. Now she is gone I have matured. I feel wiser, I may have a secret ego and be little pretentious but gosh, It's so much better than succumbing to that bizarre torture.

Ranting on and on, I'm sure you invisible people out there love it, eh? Bahaha! Have at you, Sarcasm! This final and probably key point to my "suffering" (I don't like to use this word as I feel as though I'm asking for sympathy) I want to love, I need it...but I'm both terrified and daunted when i think about it.

As our charming anti-hero, Ned Kelly said: "Such is life"